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I smoked for
about twenty five
years, the
last ten years of which I primarily smoked
filterless hand-rolled cigarettes. I was deeply
addicted, no doubt about it. Here is how I finally
quit.
I was strongly motivated
to quit, because whereas before I had experienced
few health side effects,
now I could see my skin
aging and worse, my gums had started to recede
pretty quickly. Also I got a boyfriend
for whom a smoking habit was a non-negotiable.
Probably any one of these would have been good
enough motivation, but for me, the signs just all
piled up at once. I was about to turn 40 years
old.
I
planned my quit date, giving myself nearly two
weeks. I timed it such that my "Q day"
was on the first day of the month, so that my
nicotine-free days would count out with the date. I
knew it would be nice to have that record, to
reward myself with.
For
about a week I just lived with the impending quit
date, continuing to smoke while I
allowed myself to argue with myself into quitting
and then back into not quitting, just having all
that conversation in my head. Screwing myself down
to the task, you might say. I told a few friends
what I was up to, to get some support. Then a week
before Q day I started to take measured doses of an
herbal tincture blend called Smoke-Free drops by
Herbs Etc. It has the alcohol extracts of a
number of herbs which take the edge off of the
nicotine craving, help you kack up the crud out of
your lungs, and mellow out the bitchies. I took
about four or five droppers full of the stuff
during the day, trying to dose myself in between
cravings for cigarettes. The effect is that when
you do light up a smoke, it's kind of icky, like
you have just already had too much to smoke. I am
pretty sure that that is the effect of the lobelia.
What I understand is that the lobeline in it fits
into the nicotine receptor sites in your brain,
which satisfies the craving. But it doesn't cause
the mild exhilaration, so it is not addictive. As
each nicotine-free day allows you body to detox,
the unused, bored nicotine receptors detach from
your brain and get recycled. My experience is
concordant with this theory, anyway.
By
the night before Q day, I had polished off a bottle
of the Smoke-Free drops and with its help I had
gotten myself down to only four cigarettes per day
for the last two days. That was a pretty
mellow jumping-off point for total nicotine
cessation. The strength of your addiction is
directly related to the daily dose of your
substance in this case.
I
had a non-nicotine smoking herb blend prepared for
this phase of smoking cessation.
Starting with Q day, I switched from
tobacco to what developed into my own Ex
Smoker blend. I gave myself two days off work
and a TV to watch by myself if I wanted to, and it
was okay! On day two, no kidding, I was in a bar
drinking beer (before the smoking ordinance ended
smoking in bars). During this phase I smoked the
blend as much as I wanted. It contains several of
the herbs also contained in the Smoke Free drops,
which I also continued to take in between Ex Smoker
cigarettes.
I did
affirmations. Every morning, every night, and
ever time I looked into a mirror, I smiled to
myself and said aloud, "Congratulations, you're a
non smoker!"
Here is where
the magic comes in. I had come to see my
addiction to nicotine as a dysfunctional
relationship. Tobacco was my demon lover. I had
noticed that I would make love with my boyfriend
and then afterwards sneak out onto the porch to
smoke. The cigarette was my real lover. And I was
the one to blame for initiating the codependent
relationship. I had to smoke the tobacco first; it
had not come to seduce me. My own feelings of
social inadequacy were at the root of it. I chose
tobacco so that I would never be alone, not because
we were suited partners.
I
made an effigy of my addiction lover. I
had already had strong visuals, being an
imaginative child and having seen enough horror
movies. The demon lover had no feet, just pointed
roots which occupied my lungs. He wrapped around my
heart and larynx and hid just behind my mouth in my
esophagus, with his hungry mouth open, ready for
the opportunity to dose. When I smoked, this demon
wraith would emerge from my throat just enough to
partake in the smoking. I built the effigy, made
crudely of packing paper and masking tape, so that
I could mentally project my demon lover out of my
body into an external form. A few people saw him
and were very creeped out, he was so pale and eerie
and hungry looking, a parasite. I spent a few
nights with him several days after Q day, and we
had the breakup talk, cried on each other etc. Yes,
very weird, but I really think that having a form
like this, a voodoo doll if you will, to project my
addiction into was extremely important to my
ultimate success. In this way, I was able to
metaphysically, perhaps even metabolically, take
the addiction out of my body so that my body could
begin recovery. Perhaps you can imagine how this
technique could be used (or rather has been used
throughout history in many cultures) to aid in the
healing of many illnesses.
Then,
I stuffed all my remaining tobacco products into
his mouth and burned him in a backyard
campfire. Goodbye demon lover.
About
a week after Q day, I was able to stop taking the
Smoke Free drops. Really, I think the
lobelia is kind of toxic, it satisfies the nicotine
jones but it makes you feel icky. Likewise I had
had enough of smoking the Ex Smoker blend after
about two weeks of using it. It is smokable but it
is slightly harsher than hand rolled tobacco, so
after awhile you are sick of it. Time for the final
phase
I
had another substitutive behavior lined up, just in
case. I got
ginseng roots,
about 3 inches long, and I would chew on them when
I drank coffee or beer, or at parties. Ginseng
tastes good with both coffee and beer, and it is a
mellow, nutritional stimulant, which helps you to
be more social, more extroverted. Cigarettes are
used to compensate for social anxiety (although
they actually contribute greatly to feelings of
social anxiety), so I think this is an important
problem to address for anyone who is quitting
smoking.
All
along this process I was regularly blessing myself
with the "Congratulations, you are a nonsmoker""
affirmation. I added another:
"It just keeps getting
easier, the longer you go." I also had
to avoid marihuana use, because for me it was a
serious trigger for social anxiety. The couple of
times I failed at this were the scariest trials of
my nicotine withdrawal.
It
has been nearly four years that I have been
nicotine free, and I mean totally. Yay
for me, but let me warn you about a few traps that
could force you to start over again at Q day
#1.
- Having
"just a drag" from a friend's cigarette or
--who's proud?-- a butt from a public
ashtray. Just don't, because this
sets the biochemical addiction withdrawal phase
back to the start. The use of the substance is
the reason for the addiction. This danger
presents itself strongly in the first week. Take
a dropper of Smoke Free drops instead.
- Using
a cigarette to reward yourself for successfully
quitting smoking. Sounds crazy, but
those are the last starving nicotine receptor
sites in your brain making that plea, and they
will say anything. They belong to your demon ex
lover, don't pay them any mind. Take my
permission to externalize them from your body.
They really are not you, your desires, your
will.
- Allowing
yourself to use a traumatic or unsettling life
experience as an excuse to go whistling at the
graveyard for the demon lover you
dumped. Smoking will not help you
cope with your problems, not in the least. It
will make you worry, fret, waste your time, and
it will give you back your demon ex lover, a
problem you really don?t need to add to the
pile.
- Dreaming
that you smoked. Sounds even crazier?
This one almost undid me. I would (still
occasionally do) have dreams where I noticed
myself smoking. In the dream it seemed
reasonable, I had fast-forwarded myself to a
time where I could enjoy a smoke at a party and
not re-enter my addiction contract. This is
absolutely not true. If you smoke, you re-enter
your addiction contract, and I am sure you know
who has the upper hand in that document. My
problem was that the dreams were virtually
indistinguishable from an actual memory. I had
to do deeper dream work to catch myself and be
able to remind myself in the dream, "No, I do
not smoke, no never! Because that would be
re-entering the addiction contract." Again, this
is the last few nicotine receptor sites on your
brain talking. For me this danger dwindled to
very seldom after three years off nicotine.
The Rest of
Your Life without cigarettes
Because
it is probably going to be longer than it would
have been! While many people describe
having a lot more energy, that didn't happen for
me, possibly because I was very physically active
during my smoking years. What did happen was very
positive, however. I could see the fine lines in
my face disappear, and I actually aged backwards
for the next three years, as far as my facial
appearance went. The receding of my gums
reversed itself, I actually gained ground in dental
health.
The
forecast may be better for quitters because social
norms have grown towards strong negative
reinforcement against smoking. This is a
persuasion of personal liberty in favor of the
greater social good, but when does negative
reinforcement become a violation of personal
liberty? I am very much in favor of persuasion over
the use of regulation as far as personal liberties
are concerned. While new anti-smoking regulations
have definitely given society some tools of
negative reinforcement, I would ask you to look for
any negative reinforcement in my successful smoking
cessation program. What worked was a program of
substitutive behavior and positive rewards in a
context of self-compassion. Remember, it just
keeps getting easier. I hope it works for you.
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